Practicing.

Dear Hopeless Loser,

Self- righteous, lying, manipulative, boastful, selfish, feeling-less, toxic, calculated, OH, and sick; just a few of the words that come to mind when I think of you...odd considering that is what I want most of all not to be doing, thinking of you. Being the incredibly rational person, I believe I am, I can no longer in good conscious possibly love you anymore. Over the past ten years, whether you were there or not, you have sent me on an emotional roller coaster. I want off. I have gone through this dance frequently through these past ten years, me saying I never want to speak to you, you convincing me otherwise, I guess I just hoped that one of those times, you had actually changed. Unfortunately, when you don't recognize the kind of pain you inflict in the lives of others, you can't change. What really boggles me is, why? Why, put me through this all of these years? I asked you that, and you said, I feel different with you...Here's the problem, I actually have a theory about why I am different to you, I didn't go after you, I just collapsed on the floor and cried, and cried. Now, I am sitting here thinking, wow, what a waste. A waste of my time, my love, my heart, my tears, all for some unfeeling asshole, who spouts these idealistic rants about changing. You want to know what I admit to fault on? Caring too much? Wanting to be with you? Thinking that I could help? No, I admit to the fault of believing you. You want to know what is so funny about all this? For a second I actually believed you cared, but you can't care about other people when your heart is so cold and dark, no light could possibly reach it through your insatiably inflated ego. I feel bad for you, your heart will always be just an organ that gives you life, instead of place where love, trust, and understanding flourish. I was always the other girl, even in the beginning. The sad part of all that is, is that you will never be happy with any one person, because you are not happy with yourself. I truly feel for the women who will meet and care about you, because past behavior, predicts future...so as I look into the future, I see you scared, sad, and alone. I am only too sorry to the woman who will one day come to meet you and fall in love, if I could only have a few moments of her time to save her from a decade of pain. So, my advice? Get over yourself, don't ever contact me, and please forget.

Sincerely,
Quite possibly the only person who could possibly understand that absolute torture you have inflicted upon me.

am

Ohh, and in case you didn't get all that, I can't love you anymore.

F**K YOU.

...thumbs up....

.....ks....

So, I am wondering if all of these feelings are love, or just latent nostalgia.

-am